One of Those Nights

I feel like I'm growing so fast. Feels like March was only yesterday, but now it is today. So little time yet so much has happened, perhaps it has been a long time. Nights like these I tend to look back from the present to my last benchmark and think about what I have lost, gained and who I have become.

A few things come to mind, some things I cannot say that I have lost them completely, perhaps just disconnected in part or in whole. To be the person I am today, I have let go of many friendships, relationships, hopes, dreams, jobs, titles, habits, and perceptions. I have thrown them to the wind and maybe they will cross my path one day, maybe not. Either way, I press on.

To be the person I am today, I have trimmed the fat to gain confidence, vision, understanding of myself, trust and love in myself for myself, strength, stability, comfort, and happiness. It is strange, I am just falling deeper into life, taking paths and opportunities that just make sense. I feel things strongly and then I bring those feelings to fruition through time and effort. These lessons that I wish I knew long ago, but only discovered them by immersing myself into the world step by step.

From the ups and downs that I have experienced, from last that I reflected, I have become stronger and more ambitious. From strongly reserved to uncaring and outspoken. I am a being on the verge of finding a new self, but those few steps will be the toughest, that I am sure of.

My eye is burning, must wash it out now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Brave Old World

First posts are hard to do sometimes, so here it goes... For so long I've watched the Scene change as I have been apart of it before it was cool to be a part of it. I know that's a bold statement to say and I know a lot of people probably roll their eyes as I say it, but wait a second... give this guy a shot at least if you actually ever felt something for the music, the listeners, the artists and just the true heart of the scene. If you can remember when emo meant emotional hardcore, when you were two-stepping in the pit with just 3-4 people and everyone around was staring because they never had scene kids dance like that at a show before, even more... when the people that went to shows went there because they loved the music then just bookmark this page and visit it a little often. I myself am a bit lacking on the focus department (I've been told I may have ADHD but who cares?). The point of this may be futile but hey, we have to try fight for what we love. Basically, I g...
Read more

Silence

I am getting used to the silence, growing detached from everything and having nothing keeping me bound. It's nice not knowing anyone. I don't know love, friendship or attachment anymore. Now, I can see my own thoughts and no longer feel like I need to impress anyone. I'm just alone, and by the power if Grayskull, I sure feel powerful. Loneliness has definitely made me see that no one matters. Movies are just movies, and none of it is real. The only thing that is real is each day and each moment inscribed. I wish I did this a year ago.
Read more

Yup

There's this type of girl I am looking for. I call her Anima. She appears in my dreams. I've analysed her for so long and realize that the first, she originates from my mother. She also is also a part of the nature that I grew up in in Namibia. She is tough, diverse, her own person and exists without me. She knows I am crazy and wild but allows me to be, but she knows when I need to come home. And she is able to pull me right there. I do so because gives that much of a fuck about me that she knows. She can control me with just her eyes or tone. She's also my physical mate. She's like my mother. I'm just a male figure and as Carl Jung spoke of, that's my Anima. In other news, I know who my friends are and aren't. Sad to say, I don't get along with these fuckers. I know who they are, what they are. I tried to help but I can't. Friendships, that I see too often, destroy me. I like those friends that I see once in a while. I feel bad for Mostafa caus...
Read more