In the Unknown

Two days left until I finally take the GMAT and I plan on studying well. I worked out, ate dinner, and still hungry. That's why I get a bowl of oatmeal cooling down next to me right after I ate a salad. My hunger as definitely increased now that I am closer to 140 lbs. Just 2 more to go, but I sure do eat so much. I am spending over $300 in groceries a month, I think that's a lot, but it's all organic. I remember that earlier this year I was at this weight, but I got side tracked with all my friends and socializing. Now, I have no friends or socializing. Nor do I drink, so no distractions.

I am thinking back to when I first realized that I no longer had friends, I had read from numerous sources (obviously did my research) that it was a time to work on the self and be selfish -- not in destructive way -- to understand the self. At first, it was really frustrating, but I am now learning the peace that I once had. For so long, I was obsessed with the lone wolf, but I kept hanging out with people and being emotionally dependent on being around others that I neglected my dreams. Deep down, I wanted to be alone and now that I finally am, my happiness has increased. I can wake up at 7 am without an alarm clock and get out of bed to start my day the instant my eyes open. The motivation in just being myself and being alive is beautiful. 

Even though I am becoming such a beast as a loner, the past few days I have been thinking of friendship. It feels as if reaching out to them is delving into the past. I have let that go and should not even entertain the thought, but just let it be a thought that thinks itself, and fades away in the recess of the mind. 

Either way, I am very excited for the future. As Tuesday draws near, I am beginning to think of the new roads a head, the world I will be in, the people I will meet and who I will be. I have no idea what the future holds or where I will be, but I am excited for this unknown.

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