Finding Bliss

The pendulum stands still, frozen in place. My mind races, thinking back to the events that brought me here.

I was born in the village, and shortly after my father was taken away. I've been raised by a single mother and with the help of my aunt. I've grown up in both the NYC and Namibia. I was raised to be polite, carefree, educated, forward thinking, adventurous and modest. The music the lights my soul is rock music, but my taste does not have limits. Those words and sounds that illuminate always have a place in my heart. 

Growing up, I felt like I was just like everyone else. For a moment, I thought I had found my place. I just wanted to get comfortable for once, but reality isn't a place for comforts. As a result, I got stuck in mind and in life like the pendulum that presently stands frozen. 

I had thought I was just having fun. I did not understand how serious things were. How the small decisions were to lay the bricks for the rest of my life. What I know now is that I failed. Finally, I can say this. These words that I had bore in my heart for so long, that I had hid beneath my reluctance and ignorance, that were buried under all these posts, that kept me from finding bliss can be set free.

I got stuck, I threw away everything good, including myself. I fell for a trap. I fell hard. Like Eve taking a bite of the apple. It's not like alarms were not rung. My ignorance, my disappointment, my disapproval of myself, all opened the flood gates of pain. Selective memory kicked in and selected the memories of me it wanted to keep, casting out the memories that were dangerous.

For many years, I've struggled to find myself and blaming others for my so called misfortune, only to realize that the only one to blame for overlooking my gifts was me. All I can do at this point is fight to reclaim the thrown. All I am at this point is a shell with a working brain.

I am spoiled, I'm lost, I'm frustrated, impatient and an anti-hero. I want to be more so I must continue to grow and follow my bliss out in the uncomfortable. I don't deserve anything that I have not fought for. To find my bliss, I must let go of comfort.

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